Cherish the Thought
by Androfirestrike
Summary: With the Landsmeet approaching, Kallian Tabris is on edge thinking about the relationship she shares with Alistair and the what the future holds. Alistair, however, just wants to cherish the moments they have. Alistair x Female Tabris


The rose had been slowly drying. Not dying. Drying. The more and more Kallian looked at it, the worse it looked. It still looked beautiful but it looked worn and ragged with the life slowly fading out of it.

Giving a small laugh, the white haired elf leaned back as she moved her gaze from the rose to the crackling fire, "Heh. Guess it gets more and more like me every day."

"It's still beautiful, just like you," Zevran responded having overheard her.

Kallian sighed, "Oh, shut up, Zevran. I already told you I'm not interested whatsoever."

The Antivan assassin sighed and shrugged his shoulders, muttering something about how it was still worth a shot.

Camp was relatively quiet. No darkspawn nearby as far as Kallian could tell. No immediate danger nearby. No assassins trying to get her.

Zevran was polishing his daggers.

Sten was meditating as usual.

Shale was standing idly by, sighing a lot.

Kallian's dog was napping and snoring rather loudly.

Leliana was writing something down in her journal.

Morrigan was being her usual anti-social self in her tent.

Oghren had passed out hours ago from his drunken stupor.

Wynne was calmly reading to herself.

And Alistair...wait, where was Alistair?

Kallian looked around, noticing his absence from the camp. She had only awoken a good half hour ago. He left when she was sleeping, no doubt. Probably to get firewood. Or hunting. Or to stand watch.

Not knowing where he was made her anxious though. Even though Alistair was a Grey Warden and strong, the thought of him coming to harm terrified the young elf and that terrified her even more. It was never supposed to be like this. She never was supposed to be in love, let alone in love with a human.

She had always hated humans ever since she had found out how humans had brutally killed her mother. It didn't help that humans also ruined her wedding, killed her betrothed, and raped her cousin.

So much of her suffering was rooted in humanity and the fact that she had grown so attached to one human made her feel sick. To top it off, the human she loved was a noble or rather, the bastard son of a king who now had no heirs except him. That very thought worried her. She wanted to put Alistair on the throne because she believed he would be a great king but what would that mean for her? If he was king, would he even want to be with her anymore? A lying, stealing city elf who only escaped the alienage by being conscripted into the Grey Wardens?

Alistair was foolish in some regards, but Kallian could tell he had been growing stronger since they had visited Goldanna's house and she had given him a talking to.

Everyone is out for themselves, she had told him.

Because everyone is...for the most part... They always are...usually... Kallian had gone her whole life thinking that way. She fought for herself. She stole for herself. She lied to protect herself. She thought of the big picture and what she had to do to get her armies for the blight rather than doing every menial chore and task to help everyone. Some may call it selfishness, but Kallian called it practicality.

But she was incredibly self sacrificing when it came to the very few who were close to her. Her father, Soris, Shianni...Alistair... She felt like she could take anything if it meant protecting them.

"My dear?" and then suddenly a voice brought Kallian out of her intense thought. She looked up to see Alistair looking down at her, holding his hand for her take it.

The elf smirked, grabbing her fellow Grey Warden's hand as he brought her to her feet. She looked at him very matter-of-factly, "What do you want?"

Alistair gave a sheepish grin and grabbed his lover's hand, dragging her away as he yelled something about scouting to anyone at camp who would hear him.

He brought her to a small pond. The moonlight and stars were reflected in the surface of the water. There were rose petals gently floating amongst the stars. It was absolutely beautiful.

Kallian felt speechless. A combination of the overwhelming beauty and the thoughts in her head looming around her.

"Alistair...I...this is..."

"Is it too much? This is too romantic isn't it?" Alistair sighed, giving a nervous laugh, "And I even bought imported cheeses!"

And then came a surprise neither warden were expecting...

A laugh. And not just any laugh.

Kallian genuinely laughed. She laughed for a good minute or so, the very sound vaguley unfamiliar to them both.

"What's so funny, my dear? I've never heard you laugh like that before...Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head, "No. No, you didn't at all."

The elf took a deep breath, looking Alistair in the eye as her breathing calmed down, "Alistair, you have confessed a lot to me. I feel like I haven't confessed as much to you. You don't know...how much you mean to me..."

Now came the tricky part. How to make this next part not sound racist. Was is it even possible? Could she do it?

"I have a hatred for humans. They murdered my friends, my family, raped my cousin...I didn't like you when I met you...I didn't want to like you when I met you...But you showed me that not all humans are bad. You showed me that maybe I should give some humans a chance. I -" Before she could finish her sentence, the blonde warrior had cut her off with a fiery yet sensitive kiss.

Alistair held her face in his hands, making her look directly at him. He lowered, but also deepened his voice as if begging her to pay attention to every syllable, "You have made me a better man than I had even thought possible. Because of you, I am not afraid of anything. Everyone really is out for themselves. I know that now because of you. You are stronger than any shield or piece of armor I possess. And so much more beautiful too."

He kissed her again, this time more tender and sweet which made Kallian feel uneasy. She wasn't used to tender and sweet. She was used to fast and passionate and hard. The more she thought about such things, the more she wanted them. She wanted him to push her down right there and ravish her. Or pin her to a tree and take her.

But the thing he wanted more than anything was to enjoy her, slowly.

They only had so much time to be together – he wanted to cherish every second.

He wanted to cherish every second of her beauty and all of the little moments they were able to share together. Moments like these seemed so hard to find. They seemed to always be in battle or saving something or doing some sort of thing to help stop the Blight.

Alistair wanted the Blight gone, of course. He wanted to kill the Archdemon and stop the darkspawn. He wanted to kill every darkspawn there was...but with the passing days, life just seemed to be growing shorter and shorter and he felt the need to cherish what he had.

Kallian was always so serious. She was practical, strong and honest. She had been a downright bitch to him when they first met, but after Ostagar she seemed to change. She had worried so much about him. She ran out of Flemeth's cottage to make sure he was okay. She laughed at a joke or two of his. She asked him about his feelings concerning Duncan. He didn't know why. He didn't know why she began to change her attitude but he could feel it changing.

He could feel her beginning to hold onto him like he was the only friend she had. She could feel him begin to adapt him into her close knit group of people she cared for and that amazed him. He felt her walls crumbling and it felt good.

She felt the need to protect Alistair. She felt the need to protect this man with her very being. She felt happy when she was with him. She felt like she could trust no other person watching her back in battle. She felt that waking up every morning and seeing Alistair's goofy grin and hearing his dim-witted jokes was something worth fighting for.

But even if he was her reason to fight, she had to look out for everyone. She had so much on the line. She had so many friends and loved ones. She thought about the burdens placed on her and she persevered.

Kallian sat by the edge of the pond, looking into the water as the blonde knight sat by her side. She leaned her head onto his shoulder as he grabbed her hand in his own. Her hands were rough and ragged from lockipicking and holding her twin blades but he still loved the feel of her hands.

The pale-haired elf sighed, "Alistair, if you became king, could we still be tog–"

"Don't think about things like that, my dear. You already have so much on your plate," the ex-templar cut her off mid-sentence. Kallian couldn't look at him. He didn't say yes. That meant he was thinking about it too. He was thinking about being king and their relationship. That both worried Kallian and made her proud.

Kallian nodded her head in agreement, "We'll reach Redcliffe tomorrow, then it's a march to Denerim with Arl Eamon for the Landsmeet after that. Are you ready?"

Alistair looked somewhat nervous. He gulped slightly as he imagined himself as king. Could he be king? Would he be king? What would happen to their relationship once he became king? Looking at his relfection in the small pond, he managed a half-hearted, "I'll have to be. We have a lot of things riding on this...on me...Let's just make sure that bastard Loghain gets what he deserves."

"If possible, I'll try and give you the killing blow, my dear," Kallian shot back.

The two wardens laughed. Alistair's laugh nearly drowned Kallian's out, though, "I like the way you think, love."

This was nice. This level of familiarity and peace was nice. She wished every day could be like this, but that was too good to be true. Everything seemed to good to be true.

"Alistair, I want to be with you...always...and if we ever get separated, I want you to know that I...that I..." Kallian couldn't finish her sentence before being cut off by a kiss. Alistair brushed away part of her hair, looking into her eyes sweetly.

The look in his eyes made her heart melt, "Shhh, love, we'll make it through this...we'll make it through everything...Trust me, like I trust you..."

The pale-haired elf grabbed her lover's face, pulling him into a kiss. She rolled them over so she retsed on top of him, kissing him all over. She could barely contain herself. She knew that this very well could be the last time she could kiss him like this – that this could be the last time they were together.

She would fight to make sure they could be together, but she knew that the Blight had a funny way of bringing people together...and tearing them apart...

* * *

**A/N:** This made me really really sad wile writing this because Kallian makes the ultimate sacrifice and does not agree to the dark ritual. I hope to write more about her but safsdafal yeah. Reviews would be nice, yeah? ;~;


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